Friday, April 18, 2008

Post#38 ~ Week of Torment

I haven't had the best week, it was a fairly average week but in my own head it was hell. It started late last week when I realized my period was late... hadn't had one since mid February. F***!!!! Most of my family and friends know that I have a copper IUD in (for almost 2 years now) but it is only around 85% effective. So I was beating myself up about that and I didn't tell Mike cuz I didn't want him to be upset as well.

Now don't get me wrong, I would love to have another baby and I love being pregnant BUT I know that we can not afford another child, our house is way too small for a fifth occupant and there is no way I would chance bringing another child into this world with Galactosemia.

So All week I've been in my own private hell trying to sort things out and without meaning to I was turning back into a snappish nag towards my family. Finally on Monday while I wanted to tear Mike a new one instead I blurted out "I'm Late" and broke down in a heap of tears. Mike was shocked but he was understanding, he gave me a little heck for keeping it to myself. Finally on Wednesday my period came, along with a huge *sigh* of relief!

This length of a cycle may seem strange but looking back at my last few years of cycles, it is becoming normal (which frustrates me to no end) When we first wanted to get pregnant with Ivy, I came off the pill and my cycles were all over the place, my doc said my body just need to get adjusted after coming off the pill. And for the time between pregnancies I was on the pill briefly but didn't like what it did to my moods. So then my periods were wacky again and then I got pregnant and didn't worry about it. After Anna I had the IUD inserted and my periods seemed to have found a rhythm but a very slow and long beat. We have all been told and taught that women's cycles are 28 days but what we are not told is that is just an estimate, and only around 25% of the population has this "regular" cycle. Most cycles are between 20 and 35 days long. Mine seem to run at 35-45 days but this last one was 60!!! that is crazy!!! I have asked my doctor (last year) why that is, and she said it's probably because I'm overweight. Fat=long cycle. But then I read somewhere that long cycles are caused by low levels of hormones which leads to be overweight(oh and depression).... long cycles=fat. Either way it's not good for me and 60 days is a long time and I hope it's not going to get any longer cuz I can't take the stress.

In conclusion, I'm Not pregnant. I'm Happy but am still feeling like crap but at least that is because of a different reason! PS I am going to kill the person who invented the slogan "Have a happy period"

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