Post #10

What a busy week so far! Monday=Anna's evaluation, Tuesday=Physio and shopping, Wednesday=Changeways group and Docs, Today=Ivy's Speech asessment and play group, Tommorrow= Mothers Cooking Club, Saturday=??? hopefully nothing!

Ok, lets see where did I leave off....Monday was good, Anna's eval by Judy was good!

Tuesday physio went good as well, have to do a bunch of new exercises but they are fairly easy, I kind want to go beyond them tho. I'm anxious to get my hand working again.

Wednesday's Changeways group was alright....I was uncomfortable at first because BJ just joined the group and I know her outside of the group (not friends or anything but our kids go to the same playgroup) She is my age and has the same family issues but I liked it better when I didn't know anyone in the group and they didn't know me. I keep thinking that she's gonna call me out on something, like you never did that before or thats not you.....am I being parinod? Is it stupid to think I can be myself with complete stangers then people I know? After the coffee break I felt better but was not totally at ease....maybe better next week.
Went to Dr.W to get bandages changed on skin grafts, I did not expect to see what I saw....I almost became sick to my stomach! last week the grafts looked good and started to turn pink and healthy and was nice and smooth...this week....yuck! The flap graft is doing very well, no complaints about it and it is the most important as it covers the tendon. The graft that was taken from my wrist and placed where the flap came from and across the tip of finger does not look good, Dr.W says she is not worried but I beg to differ. It is all dark purple and squishy and puffy like a soft blister. Dr.W says if it was bad it would smell and be slightly cool (it's warm like the rest of finger) she says that underneith the skin is growing and that top bit will come off, she called Dr.DG (plastic surgeon) to confirm this and he said the same thing....but I'm still worried and still get queesy thinking about it, I just have to remember that the flap graft is the most important and it is healthy!!!

Today, Thursday, Ivy had an assesment by the speech therapist. Holly is still on maternity leave so her co-worker Gillian came. She seems happy with how Ivy pronounces words, is impressd by her vocab and length of sentences. I was concerned that Ivy doesn't say her 'L' or 'TH' but Gillian says it's very common for kids not to use them till age 6-7, and Ivy's tongue is able to make the sounds she is just not at the age to fully understand/copy someone else's tongue movements. We are supposed to work on Ivy's use or pronouns (Ivy says him & her instead of he and she) and numbers (she only recognize #1 and #3) to get her ready for school, yikes thats this fall! Ivy will probably see Gillian again in late Feb or early March.

Now it's almost time for playGroup....yah! I think I like going as much as the girls do....but probably for different reasons!

Blog Post #9

This picture brought me to tears. My Ivy drew it on her magna-doodle last Tuesday, she came running into the kids bedroom, where I was changing Anna, to show me it. She said it was me!! I was very honored to be her first person drawing! She went on to tell me what was the arms, head and legs, and then she told me about the fingers....then she started to cry. She said she was sorry about not drawing my splint on my hand cuz she didn't know how to draw it, this made me cry too! I sat down with her on her bed and hugged while I told her it was ok, I like the picture just the way it was and that I was sorry for having to wear the splint. I just wish the picture was on paper and not the magna-doodle so I could keep it forever!

Ivy just came over to me and saw her picture and me typing this and asked what I was doing, I told her I'm sharing her drawing of me to the whole world! She just smiled and said "OK, that's good."

Today my Father -in-law, S, drove me to physio in GF. Anna came with us and Ivy went to Irene's next door, they also ended up going to GF. I thought it amusing that Ivy spent 1/2 the day with 3 elderly Japanese ladies, they took her to just about every store and even tried to take her to lunch at a pub forgetting that she was too young, they ended up going to A&W instead. I wish I went with them, sounded much more fun then my time with S! LOL

Blog Post #8

"Monday, Monday...." That Mamas & Papas song is dancing though my head this morn. "weekend is so far away...." hummmm

Judy F came this morning to evaluate Anna, she showed up 15 early which never happens, usually she's 15 mins late. Oh well we were ready for her either way! Anna did very well, she was happy and eager to please and I was relieved because if she wasn't so eager Judy would say she was lagging in something or other. Judy was very happy with what Anna could do and was surprised at how well Anna pronounced things, Yay!! We don't have to see Judy till early March! I still don't like the woman but she is more friendly, not so hostile and we only have to deal with her for this year. Anna will be free of her after she turns 3, so the countdown has begun! Ivy tried to be the center of attention but she wasn't too pushy about it. I had a talk with her at breakfast and explained what I expected from her (today is Anna's day, let Judy play with her. Thursday is your day when the speech therapist comes, and I'll say the same to Anna that day) So I think that sunk in and she was good but she still can't help herself!

I have finally had contact with my friend Marilyn, exchanged a few letters and e-mails. I miss not being able to visit her when ever and just chat or sew. I miss my quilt mentor. She was always good at motivating me, I don't seem to have that anymore...motivation. I'm actually surprised I'm still writing this blog, I usually give up on thing like this, maybe I found a good outlet for me. There's no cost involved and hardly any effort/time needed. I just need a tiny bit of motivation and thoughts and actions....which is abundant hahaha

Entry #7

I'm so tired right now, I think I'll have to have a nap. I got up earlier then usually today to have shower before the girls woke up, better that way then having them cry and knock on the door the whole time. Aso the sleepiness is being caused by the pain pill I took a bit ago, Anna kept bumping my fingers all morning and the pain was too much. I've been oing really good about the pain and not takeing the pills but sometimes I just need the pain to go away.

Today is Hubby's 35th Birthday,Yaa!

Happy Birthday to you,

happy birthday to you,

happy birthday dear hubby,

Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuuu. Love you!

I really wanted to put on a big party for him but with everything this past month....I just ran out of time and forgot things. Oh well, I guess I'll to save it all for next year.
I want to write more but am unable to, *yawn*, nap time.

Blog Post#6

Yikes my days are becoming busy again, feels like I'm running around doing nothing.
Being that it's so cold lately(-20*c at night) I've been worried about my rabbits outside. And last night I had a horrible dream about them, I dreamt that they all died from exposure but in a weird way.... they were all melted in their boxes so their bodies were all flat and square and their little heads sitting on top. I can't get that image out of my head. Usually I wait till 10am (when the sun comes over the mountains) to go outside to feed and water them but today I was up and out before 9am, they were all ok, and very excited to see me. I think I'll go out after dinner and give them an apple each.

Went to the Doc's yesterday to get the bandages off my finger and have the grafts inspected. The flap graft is doing very well, nice and pink and healthy. the skin graft that was lifted from my wrist and placed on finger is purple-ly like a bruise, with small pink spots. Doc says this is normal as the skin had no blood supply and as the blood capillaries/veins grow into the grafted skin it turns a healthy shade of pink, Yahoo!! The stitches on my wrist look good and I can flex my wrist a bit without any stitches pulling. The Doc gave me the go ahead to start up physio again but I can't do anything with the pinky finger for a few more weeks, Doc also said I could get out of this splint and move to the wristlet and I can start using my other fingers and thumb!! Another Yahoo!!! Finally I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!!

Both girls have been extremely cranky today (more then usually anyway!) started at breakfast when I served Anna her cereal before Ivy, Ivy totally blew up! then she complained her head hurt. she has a temp of 98* as did Anna, my temp was 96*. So I gave both some Tylenol, seemed better but they stayed grumpy all day. Today was the first day of the Changeways course, it's a 6 session course to understand Actions,Thoughts and Feelings (for Depression) I took it a few years ago but didn't accomplish much from it, but I think this time will be different. the other ladies and the instructor are more friendly and more on my wave length. While I'm at my course the girls will be staying with Gramma P. and Uncle F. then we all have lunch afterward. Today while getting ready to come home from Gr.P's Anna blew hissy fit's, she didn't want anyone to help her but me. Very frustrating! I think I've been leaving them to much lately, at least one day a week they are being babysat, hopefully things will start to settle down for us.
Oh ya, I almost forgot, we have to go to Vancouver, to the Children's Hospital, in late Feb for Anna, arrgg. And the scheduling is a nightmare, the booked us twice for ophmalogy, so now I have to call and cancel one...I hate making those call!

Blog Post#5

Just a short entry today, it's almost dinner time and the girls will soon let me know this. We went to the In-laws today for lunch, a combo birthday thing for Hubby and his dad. K made chow mien, stir fry, Basamati rice, raw veggie platter and The B-day cake, she did good, I eat too much chow mien tho and didn't have room for too much cake which is ok.



I'll be going to the Doc's on Tuesday to get the bandages removed, hopefully the grafts took. Hubby is unwilling to take the time off work to drive me which I can understand but I don't like it, I know we need the money right now but I also need him to be with me, I need his support. Hubby has arranged for his uncle F to drive me. but that means the 2 1/4 hour drive will be 3+ hours. We also will be taking the van into be fixed and checked, *yawn* It's gonna be a long and boring day!



Anna is starting to fight with her sis, combo of getting hungry and not having a nap.... so I'm off to make dinner. Motherly duties.....How many years left?

Blog Post #4

It's Thursday, took the girls to play group this afternoon, we haven't been for over a week. They really liked it, Ivy wanted to stay longer, I think we've been couped up at home too much lately, it was nice to get out for awhile.

I think it's my Father-in-law's B-day today....or is it tomorrow? either way I'll have to get hubby to call. I forgot to give him his B-day card on Tuesday, oh well it'll have to wait till next time we see him. Hubby b-day is next week, I have no idea what to do for him. Before I was hurt I was thinking of doing a surprise party but it's too late for his friends to book time off work. I want to do some sort of party but who to invite and what to cook??

My finger has been feeling good, only hurts a bit when pain meds wear off but my wrist still is agony! it was better yesterday but today it has a burny hurt to it....might just be the bandage covering it though.

The adventure will continue.....

Blog entry #3

Tuesday afternoon, the day is almost over, I'm so glad. I had surgery on my hand again yesterday, doesn't hurt too bad, will see if the night is better or worse then after my first surgery.

Doc was over an hour late for my appointment at the hospital, didn't put me, or hubby, in a very good mood, luckily for him we don't complain. Doc removed scab off pinkie and it was a gaping hole underneath, could see tendon and stitches holding it together...didn't look like it should have been my finger... Then came the freezing, OUCHY, I cried and shaked and Doc put a blanket on me, those needles are the worst. I hate feeling the pressure caused by the fluids entering my flesh I cried more and almost bolted, I'm such a baby! After I was frozen he swabbed with alcohol and began cutting a strip of flesh and skin on the side of pinky, leaving the bottom attached (to supply blood) doc then wrapped it over the gaping hole and tendon. Then Doc cut the skin from the inner wrist and layed that over the tip of the gaping hole and where he cut from the side of finger, then stitched everything together, more OUCHY, I hate the tugging on my hand.

Hubby and I stopped in to see his Grandma S afterward, she had a very yummy dinner waiting for us, I didn't know I was so hungry. The drive back home was snow, wind, drifting snow banks and the pain to my hand caused by elevation difference-Not fun! But we made it ok.

Today the In-laws brought the girls home, oh how I missed them! K took Ivy with her to do errands and S took Anna and me to GF for my prescriptions, Anna's blood work and for groceries. On our way home a car was flipped over in the ditch, 1 car had stopped and S wasn't going to but as we passed the overturned car a woman stumbled away from it so we went to help. Her husband was stuck in the car so S came to the rescue and undid his seat belt and shoveled out snow and pulled the guy out, many other cars stopped to help but S did most of the work. I gave the lady my fuzzy blanket from the car so she could stay warm, she was in shock. when a cop arrived and we heard the ambulance on its way, we left, there was no more to be done....But I left my blanket, I didn't want it back anyway with someone elses blood on it.

Back at home, Anna was miserable, wouldn't eat lunch, wouldn't go down for her nap. I think she was stressed from getting her blood work, finally at 4 pm she slept beside me in my bed for 45 mins. She probably won't want to go to sleep tonight but at least she is happy now.

Blog post #2

The sun is shineing, the snow reflects the sun makeing seem even more brillent. It's nice to have the sun come out to visit, winter is too long. The girls are playing nicely and have been do so for about an hour now, no fighting! yaa!

Hubby, Anna and I went to the plastic surgeon yesterday, Doc is happy with the movement of both fingers, ring finger healing very nicely, but the pinky doesn't look well. Under the bottom edge of the scab, past all the crusty goop, is white....Doc is not sure if it is the tendon or the tendon sheaf. Either way it's not good. If it is just the sheaf then all it needs is a skin graft (skin will be taken from my left hand, inner wrist) if it is tendon and if it is damaged then the tendon will have to be replaced by one cut from my leg! Yuck!Ouch! If the tendon looks good and fine then a more exstentive skin graft will be done, the skin on the back of the ring finger will be cut and peeled and wrapped around the pinky while still attached to ring finger (so the ring finger can still supply blood for skin) the two fingers will then be attached for 10 days, immobilized, a small graft from my left hand wrist will be used to cover the back of the ring finger.

I'll be going to the hospital on Monday for the scab to be removed and then we will find out what needs to be done! I'm not happy about it, I'm disappointed that this is happening, I wish my finger/skin would just grow on it's own!!! haven't I gone though enough already!! The doc says skin grafts are easy and nothing to worry about but they scare the heck out of me, I'm not sure why. Probably because I can't stand pain, I don't want to be cut and I'm afraid!! Hopefully the scab will come off and that white thing will just be flaky new skin..... hopefully....

So the in-laws will be looking after the girls again, I hate the fact we have to rely on them so much lately. Sure they love having the girls and the girls love staying there but I know they are getting tired of it, the girls can be such a handful at times.

Oh dear, the happily playing together has ended, fighting has begun, I guess that is it for now.

Blog post #1

It is the new year so I thought I'd do something new! I've been wanting an outlet for my thoughts and emotions but have never been one to put pen to paper....so maybe an online journal will satisfy my expressive needs!

Hmmm, where to start, I've always considered myself to be weird. I seem to remember oddball things that no one else would think be important, I enjoy things that some would consider boring or disgusting, and everyone seems to label me different things.....why is that?

Some random thoughts/memories that popped into my head while I wrote the above:
-an ex boyfriend told me after we broke up that it really bothered him that I laughed when people got hurt in scary/serious movies...I wonder why I do that?
-my siblings that are closer in age to me think I am a bitch and am mean and spiteful while those that are younger(dad's 2nd marriage) think that I am nice, loving, playful, cool and fun to be around....which is the real me? or is it because they know me from different stages of my life?

Heavy thoughts...maybe thats why I get boarder line depressed.


While pregnant with my 2nd child I came down with pre-baby blues and started seeing councilors. Though talking with her I found that I've been in and out depression since my early teens which helped me know myself better. And having a councilor also helped when my Anna was born! When Anna was 6 days old she was diagnosed with Galactosemia, a rare genetic disorder where she has to be on a strict diet of no dairy, some soy products and some veggies....the list of NO foods is long. Anna basically spent her first month in hospitals being poked and prodded, and it was because of Mike and I that she is "G", we are carriers for the gene and our daughter Ivy is most likely a carrier too...and our siblings. I was so low during that month and after...but I am better about that, stuff happens!

I seem to be falling back into a depressive state again....all because of an argument, a wet hand and a steak knife. A month ago today I was doing dishes before supper and my hubby and I were having 'words'/disagreement, (I wouldn't call it a fight) with my wet right hand I stabbed down onto the counter with a steak knife, my hand slide down the blade, cutting my fingers at the first joint (not off, barely scratched the bone) above the palm, blood everywhere. Hubby rushed me to the ER, turns out I had severed 2 tendons in my pinky and 1 tendon in my ring finger, I had surgery the next day.



This is my hand after surgery for the first 5 days, it hurt like hell, nights were unbearable! The rubber bands pulled my finger down so the tendons weren't stretched too much. the cast was so my hand wouldn't move and snap the delicate tendons.

Here's what bothers me, the plastic stitches that were used to sew the tendons together will always be there...scar tissue will grow on and around....if plastic is bad for the environment what will it do to me???



5 days after the surgery the cast and bandages came off and this splint was put on. this time I'm held together with safety pins, rubber bands, fishing line and Velcro....the wonders of modern science. at least the splint is removable so I can scratch and wash my hand!






And these are my beautiful scabs, this pic was taken a few days ago so most of the ring finger is healed but the pinky has a long way to go. All the black is hard dead flesh and the Doc is worried it's not healing properly so I might need a skin graft....FUN! the scab is starting to lift up on the edges and under it is a little oozy, I so not want a graft! I'm back to the Doc tomorrow to see what my options are.

A friend of hubby's asked what I learned from all this (he thought I'd say to be careful with knives) I replied: "Don't do dishes while arguing!!" LOL

Well that's it for now, my girls are crying out for some attention...