Monday, January 7, 2008

Blog post #1

It is the new year so I thought I'd do something new! I've been wanting an outlet for my thoughts and emotions but have never been one to put pen to maybe an online journal will satisfy my expressive needs!

Hmmm, where to start, I've always considered myself to be weird. I seem to remember oddball things that no one else would think be important, I enjoy things that some would consider boring or disgusting, and everyone seems to label me different things.....why is that?

Some random thoughts/memories that popped into my head while I wrote the above:
-an ex boyfriend told me after we broke up that it really bothered him that I laughed when people got hurt in scary/serious movies...I wonder why I do that?
-my siblings that are closer in age to me think I am a bitch and am mean and spiteful while those that are younger(dad's 2nd marriage) think that I am nice, loving, playful, cool and fun to be around....which is the real me? or is it because they know me from different stages of my life?

Heavy thoughts...maybe thats why I get boarder line depressed.

While pregnant with my 2nd child I came down with pre-baby blues and started seeing councilors. Though talking with her I found that I've been in and out depression since my early teens which helped me know myself better. And having a councilor also helped when my Anna was born! When Anna was 6 days old she was diagnosed with Galactosemia, a rare genetic disorder where she has to be on a strict diet of no dairy, some soy products and some veggies....the list of NO foods is long. Anna basically spent her first month in hospitals being poked and prodded, and it was because of Mike and I that she is "G", we are carriers for the gene and our daughter Ivy is most likely a carrier too...and our siblings. I was so low during that month and after...but I am better about that, stuff happens!

I seem to be falling back into a depressive state again....all because of an argument, a wet hand and a steak knife. A month ago today I was doing dishes before supper and my hubby and I were having 'words'/disagreement, (I wouldn't call it a fight) with my wet right hand I stabbed down onto the counter with a steak knife, my hand slide down the blade, cutting my fingers at the first joint (not off, barely scratched the bone) above the palm, blood everywhere. Hubby rushed me to the ER, turns out I had severed 2 tendons in my pinky and 1 tendon in my ring finger, I had surgery the next day.

This is my hand after surgery for the first 5 days, it hurt like hell, nights were unbearable! The rubber bands pulled my finger down so the tendons weren't stretched too much. the cast was so my hand wouldn't move and snap the delicate tendons.

Here's what bothers me, the plastic stitches that were used to sew the tendons together will always be there...scar tissue will grow on and around....if plastic is bad for the environment what will it do to me???

5 days after the surgery the cast and bandages came off and this splint was put on. this time I'm held together with safety pins, rubber bands, fishing line and Velcro....the wonders of modern science. at least the splint is removable so I can scratch and wash my hand!

And these are my beautiful scabs, this pic was taken a few days ago so most of the ring finger is healed but the pinky has a long way to go. All the black is hard dead flesh and the Doc is worried it's not healing properly so I might need a skin graft....FUN! the scab is starting to lift up on the edges and under it is a little oozy, I so not want a graft! I'm back to the Doc tomorrow to see what my options are.

A friend of hubby's asked what I learned from all this (he thought I'd say to be careful with knives) I replied: "Don't do dishes while arguing!!" LOL

Well that's it for now, my girls are crying out for some attention...

1 comment:

STELLA said...

Glad for the most part the hand is healed... That looks like it hurt real bad...