Thursday, March 20, 2008

Post #32~R/X

After a bunch of humming and hawing and some much needed encouragement from an Internet friend I went and saw my Doc about the anti-depressants. I totally broke down crying in her office and told her my fears for taking drugs but she told me all they do and it's not like on TV or movies so I said OK, I'll try them. I was shocked when she gave me a prescription for 2 months, that seemed a long time, then when I spoke with my councilor MdW the next day she said I'll probably be on them for over a year....that in itself is depressing. So I got the RX today and I'll be taking a half dose for the first 4 days to let my body become accustomed to it. I'll take my first dose tomorrow morning, Mike will be around (off for Easter weekend) so if I have a reaction to the pill he'll be around to help me and the girls....I'm so nervous, one of the side effects is dizziness, and I hate being dizzy! I know it's for the best, my best, but I still wish I could snap out of this on my own.

MdW also gave me a to do list to help me break out this isolation that i have built up around myself, it seems really silly but most of it is around calling people who i want as friends but am too chicken to call or ask to hang out with me....I need friends but I have a really hard time making and keeping friends, my closest friends all seem to move away. Maybe MdW's pushing will help get me out of my old habits....I certainly don't do much pushing of myself....I guess thats something to look forward too, making friends....

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